I half awoke during an afternoon nap, where my two-year-old was asleep on a mat on the floor and my almost five-year-old was beside me, clicking a plastic container with pretend grapes inside. All that I can remember now is that in that half asleep state, I had solved the problem that was gnawing on me when I originally drifting off.
The gnaw was a hurt that I had forgotten about; so why had it resurfaced? I had remembered something that had happened before the hurt because of a number of familiar people I saw today.
I remembered that a season had ended with no opportunity to say goodbye to my teammates or to hear goodbye from them. This ending was complicated but not, and my choice… but not. And as I remembered this hurt that ate away at me, I felt simply stuck. Like a broken record. Like a toy train going around the same track. Like a lie that Satan had tried to convince me of.
Now that I’m writing these memories down, I also remember that my solution in my half asleep state was to reprogram the narrative. Huh. That’s actually a good start.